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Oh not again... Is it 6 AM already.... I had just slept...let's see what is so important that I have to get up for...Oh no not today...not again... I don't feel like going to office today... I started evaluating the worst scenarios quickly- more holidays -> less salary -> bad appraisal at the end of the year -> may be less hike in salary or may be getting fired from the job... Now I get up.

I get ready to go to office. I spend my day in office and feel drained out while returning to home.

And then I think - We spend most of our life making choices leading to something that has never been our choice. Why such a feeling dawns upon me suddenly... from where... Why again the feeling of tiredness and irritation is engulfing me. I was a cheerful & energetic child grown up to be highly motivated lady. Why is it I feel so low today again!

Well than may be because I am facing what my husband states as Mid Life Crisis. In my research it came out to be something which person faces around 40-60. But I am not even 30! 

Something in me is shouting for attention, for me to sit down and understand myself. 

As a child I never knew why the adults were emphasizing again and again that "this is your golden period in life. enjoy it". But now I know that the constant state of happiness is what they were referring too.

There had been changes in my life and quite frequently too -getting out of home for higher studies & hostel, entering job life & being a paying guest, getting married & adjusting with in laws and finally becoming a working mother. 

Do all the values and education of our society prepare a child for the life ahead. Well personally in my journey till now I had to unlearn a lot and learn new rules to keep on moving forward.

Also in this process I lost the connection with my inner child and now sometimes am very angry and confused. Do I blame others - Yes I do. But then deep inside I know that only I have the key to unlock myself, to connect with myself.  

Ok so here I am blogging about my thoughts till I get some clarity, and get over with this phase in my life... 

I hope to meet some friends in this quest of mine...