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I hope to meet some friends in this quest of mine...
Oh not again... Is it 6 AM already.... I had just slept...let's see what is so important that I have to get up for...Oh no not today...not again... I don't feel like going to office today... I started evaluating the worst scenarios quickly- more holidays -> less salary -> bad appraisal at the end of the year -> may be less hike in salary or may be getting fired from the job... Now I get up.
I get ready to go to office. I spend my day in office and feel drained out while returning to home.
And then I think - We spend most of our life making choices leading to something that has never been our choice. Why such a feeling dawns upon me suddenly... from where... Why again the feeling of tiredness and irritation is engulfing me. I was a cheerful & energetic child grown up to be highly motivated lady. Why is it I feel so low today again!
Do all the values and education of our society prepare a child for the life ahead. Well personally in my journey till now I had to unlearn a lot and learn new rules to keep on moving forward.
Also in this process I lost the connection with my inner child and now sometimes am very angry and confused. Do I blame others - Yes I do. But then deep inside I know that only I have the key to unlock myself, to connect with myself.
Well than may be because I am facing what my husband states as Mid Life Crisis. In my research it came out to be something which person faces around 40-60. But I am not even 30!
Something in me is shouting for attention, for me to sit down and understand myself.
As a child I never knew why the adults were emphasizing again and again that "this is your golden period in life. enjoy it". But now I know that the constant state of happiness is what they were referring too.
There had been changes in my life and quite frequently too -getting out of home for higher studies & hostel, entering job life & being a paying guest, getting married & adjusting with in laws and finally becoming a working mother.
Do all the values and education of our society prepare a child for the life ahead. Well personally in my journey till now I had to unlearn a lot and learn new rules to keep on moving forward.
Also in this process I lost the connection with my inner child and now sometimes am very angry and confused. Do I blame others - Yes I do. But then deep inside I know that only I have the key to unlock myself, to connect with myself.
Ok so here I am blogging about my thoughts till I get some clarity, and get over with this phase in my life...
I hope to meet some friends in this quest of mine...
This is so true...especially "We spend most of our life making choices leading to something that has never been our choice."
ReplyDeleteThere are lots of reasons. Out of them, one important reason is that we really never take time to understand what our choices really are. We are so occupied with the things imposed on us.
And if somehow we get to know what we really want, we are not able to pursue them because of many deterrents.